Let me get this straight. I am, we were, not rich by American standards. That’s why retiring to Belize makes sense. Our American dollar yields us two Belize dollars. It’s not necessarily cheaper to buy things as it is more difficult to find the opportunity to spend like I would at home. (Note to self, my reference to “home” is still the U.S.) There’s only one mall close by and I have to do a border crossing plus buy Mexican travel insurance for the car to get there. There is no Starbuck’s, no T.J.Maxx, no Micro Center. If being able to shop at those types of stores is important to you then this is definitely not the place for you.

By Belizean standards I am pretty rich. I have two cars and a boat in my driveway. I have a fenced yard enclosing a 1600 square foot, concrete house. I used to consider it small. Now, of course, there is the tiny house movement. Thank you HGTV. Those houses are small as are the houses of most villagers. They shrink further when considering the size of the families housed in them. Sometimes I see a place and I think we should trade dwellings. They need my space and I really only need theirs especially now that I am only one.

Crazy talk, eh, David? It’s o.k., I’m staying put.

When David died we lost money. The annuity payment that David received will now come to me, is a lifetime benefit and is reduced by 33 1/3 from the original amount. We chose this scenario. We might have chosen differently had we had the prescience to know David would only last three years into retirement. After subcontracting back to his former employer he enjoyed less than a year in full retirement but let me continue. We lost money. I suppose it can be argued that no we did not since the total benefit amount remains intact and the payout is for life albeit at a reduced amount. Well, one down and one to go. Who wins?

The benefit is from a Fortune 500, large, stable company. While nothing is 100% sure it is more probable than not that this is a secure, lifelong income source.

If I die tomorrow the buck stops with me. There is no beneficiary payout upon my death. Assuming I don’t live another twenty one years it bothers me that the money David saved would return to the retirement fund and not go to his family. It bothers me a lot. I don’t like that I have no control over that money although at sixty three years of age my time to “grow” it is limited. I would have to grow it conservatively but at a rate that beats inflation.

Our kids are independent. They are educated. They haven’t required help from us in a long time. Both kids are in long term relationships. They are responsible for themselves. We are responsible for ourselves. End of story. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that David would have me take the pension payment and run.

But he died and it’s my story now. I have a penchant for spending. A friend once opined that I would die penniless because I was a spendthrift. That sticks with me. I had better be careful here. Very careful.

Rollover. Lifetime survivor annuity. Lump sum. Partial payout. These have occupied my thoughts for days. I feel that I am paralyzed and cannot move forward until I make this decision.