It’s Labor Day back home. Chrissy is working. I don’t know yet what Caitlin is doing. Anna and Ted have invited me to a party but I’m just not in the partying mood.

You would be so happy. The Columbia took part in the Gloucester Schooner Festival races yesterday and WON!

“COLUMBIA BREAKS EAGLE’S STREAK

The schooner, Columbia, a 141-ft replica of a historic Gloucester’s schooner, made its first visit to the Gloucester Schooner Festival a winning one.

The Columbia, launched in August 2014 in Panama City, Fla., captured the Mayor’s Race and the Esperanto Cup on Sunday, highlighting the festival’s annual races off Eastern Point.

The triumph by Columbia – a steel-hulled replica of the vessel that was launched from Essex in 1923, then lost at seat in 1927 – ended the three-year reign of the American Eagle.

The American Eagle, a 92-foot schooner built in Gloucester in 1930 and now home-ported in Rockland, Maine, captured the last three Esperanto Cup titles, besting the Schooner Festival field in 2012, 2013 and 2014.” (Ray Lamont, Gloucester Times, Sunday, September 6, 2015)

Yuri said the crew got pretty rowdy last night but he “knew when to call it” and is doing just fine today.

It’s four p.m.  Not bad since it started out badly and I was ready for the day to be over at 9:00 a.m. I somehow made myself get busy and turned it around.

The oil & filter were changed in the truck yesterday.  Replaced both burnt out turn signals and the air conditioner filter was crazy dirty and full of leaves. He said I need to replace the tires ASAP.  Several people have said it would be cheaper to get them in the Free Zone. I will price them out at Caribbean Tire.

The attorney has already corrected our tax account bill. Monday I will go pay the little bit that was incorrectly assessed and receive the zero balance tax bill. I worried over that for nothing.

I wonder if you would have handled all this better than me. Most assuredly. I can see you at Jamrock maybe hooking up with someone in the future. She could ease your sorrow.  🙂 It would have been much easier paperwork wise if I had died. Let’s switch.

Lincoln, had me very upset today. He sent emails referencing appraisals that will be done and government fees that will be assessed on the property. I took my concerns to the attorney and she laid them to rest. I thanked Lincoln for looking out for me and told him I thought I was in good hands and getting good advice. Let’s hope I’m right.

You know the washer is not working. Even the drain hose to the tiny, semi-automatic, camper washer cracked so I haven’t done laundry in a few days. I repaired the drain hose and spent time catching up on laundry. I really need the big washer repaired. The camper washer doesn’t do the best job at cleaning clothes.

O.K. I finally got off my behind and took myself into town to do business.

1. Your name is different on your death certificate than on the land title. David L. vs. David Loren. A form in duplicate has to be stamped by the J.P. stating I verify you are one and the same.

2. A form in triplicate requesting that your name be taken off the title also has to be signed and stamped by the J.P.

She didn’t have her stamp with her today so I am to return tomorrow at 11.

Next order of business. I need a zero balance tax statement for the land. You were right about our property still showing as part of Consejo Shores. She printed it out. I have to make a trip to the Lands office in Belmopan, have the upstairs registry close out our current account and set up a new one then go downstairs to be credited for the last three years of payment.  I know you’re sorry for this so never mind. The soonest I can make the trip there is Friday or maybe I will go Monday.

The kids have agreed to waive their beneficiary status.

I will ask Lincoln and Roque to be my appraisers and Maria and Karina to be my sureties. I hope they agree.

I made an appointment to have the oil changed in the Toyota tomorrow at 9 a.m where you had it done before, Johnny’s Auto. I need to get the running light bulb replaced up front still.

This afternoon I will research the light bulb and how to change it in those headlight units and maybe look at the washer.

Love you.

The last of our three original baby chicks died yesterday. She was a little over a year old. I found her dead in the coop. Those three, “the girls”, were so cute and would come running whenever we went outside. I was surprised by how much you liked them.Now I am left with the two we got in Belmopan. I’m certain the white one is a rooster. He certainly isn’t tame and runs from me! When he begins to crow I will take and give him to someone in the village. The little hen can go with him. That will be the end of the chicken experiment. It was short lived. I gave them a clean coop, fresh water and commercial feed every day. There must be more to it.

I think I need to abandon any pretense that this blog is anything other than an attempt to communicate with you. I’d like to say it makes me feel better but mostly it lets me feel sad. At least that’s what I’m feeling right now.

The kids and I received a letter from the organ recovery agency. Your left kidney and liver were transplanted into a 39 year old male. He must have been in pretty bad shape. I hope the organs “took” and give him life. Your right kidney was transplanted into a 48 year old male. There was tissue recovery and another organ was used for biomedical research. I wonder if it was your heart? I hope so.

I went to the Millennium yesterday for the first time since your death. George is very kind and sweet. Bentley was there. Dena and Barry came after lunch from town. Rocque and Telli have been closed for their annual refurbishment. They are to have a grand reopening Wednesday. Oh, and Margaret came. Naomi stands out as a figure of youth against the backdrop of all us old people. Ken and Patty rolled in three sheets to the wind.

What news is there? I asked Bentley how things were going and he replied, “Terrible.” Oh, dear. I heard later that Bill’s competency status has been reversed. (This past Sunday Carole and he hosted a musical festivity on the bay at their home!) What this means for Consejo Shores I don’t know.

Dena and Barry were without generator power for over a month. They took a lightening strike that fried the mother board. After a month they were able to find a somewhat expensive, used motherboard, get it wired up and running. It’s only been cycling correctly for the last 36 hours. Their solar set up produces a trickle charge but is inefficient. Dena admits it’s been an ordeal for them. Daryl has been out at their house repeatedly to help them. (Sadly, he has resumed drinking to the point of stumbling out of the truck on arrival to work on the generator).

All of our mail was in Dena and Barry’s mailbox. There is a consensus that something should be done about the homeless man that sleeps under the awning near the post office boxes. The place is littered with food containers and reeks of urine. I don’t think I would mind if the area wasn’t filthy. I wake the poor man up every time I check my mailbox.

David, today is September first. I have been without you now for sixty one days. There are times when I still don’t know if I even want to go on without you. I miss you terribly. Everything at home is the same except it looks neglected. Weeds are grown up. The washer is dismantled and sits in disrepair. It’s been very humid and ceiling paint lies in large flakes on the floor when I wake up. Don’t you miss me going on about that? All last week I fantasized about moving back to the States. Today I am in the mood to remain here in this house. What I am trying to tell you is that I’m moving forward as of today. Be with me. Always.

I’m watching a movie in which Hilary Swank’s husband dies. She calls his phone to listen to his voice recording. I don’t know why I haven’t thought of this before! So on my phone I call your chip from my chip….and Kay answers. You should have heard me hem and haw my way out of that when she asks me who I was trying to call. Lolololol! I was crying and lying.

9 miles. That’s what I ran (slow jog) this morning. Let’s get it straight. My definition of running is pretty much not walking, miles or kilometers per hour be damned. I haven’t run that far in years.  It was incredibly slow, as in they might close the course on me at 7 hours slow.

I remember that cross Ohio race I did. It was bike, roller blade, paddle and walk/run from Lake Erie to the Ohio River. I finished last (Well, maybe not really because those girls bailed from the damn takeout in the night. Whatever.) You were my support the entire weekend. I will always remember you napping in the car with me at the dam on the Muskingham, seeing you across the river in Zanesville and rounding a curve on the bike in southern Ohio to find you sitting and waiting for me with food and Gatorade. I felt so close to you.

Today when I ran droplets of sweat were tears for you and there were plenty. I miss you.

There’s my honey golfing. Tomorrow Eileen and Grorge are coming over to pick up the materials you hold for the Friends of the CS Golf Course. I have been irrationally teary all day about it. Every time someone comes and takes something away it is like losing a piece of you. I’m glad to get the things out of the shed but I still can’t stop crying. I will give most of our clubs to the course here. I think we have three or four sets of our own. Hey David, Louise Suggs recently died. I still have that set with her name I got from Caitlin’s grandma.
We have a zero balance at the University of Miami Hospital as of today. Your credit card balances remain unpaid. I’m just waiting. I don’t want my cash to go down to nothing and then need it. I’m worried about the QRP mandatory deposit before I file for renewal come December. (I want to continue to nag you posthumously about this.) I was concerned this would be a problem and I believe it is…for me. I worry about the coming tax bill. I took out the remainder of my small retirement account to pay the bills. It’s not enough to cover everything, credit cards and taxes but there will be taxes due because my withdrawal plus your 401K loan payout that automatically occurred when you died. No taxes were paid on that. 

Today I want to pack up the animals, load up the truck and drive home to the U.S. I have an idea that’s going to happen ultimately.  Why do I feel like such a failure when I contemplate returning home? I would not settle anywhere initially but travel around the U.S. until I found a place where I wanted to remain.

Today a realtor called from Placencia. I had to tell her that you died and our plans to build on the peninsula were no longer intact. Moving to south is another scenario I think about.

I will let Lincoln sell this house.

After a few more emails to Belize Medical Associates I finally have the invoice in the mail to United Healthcare. Not expecting any reimbursement for out of network services but maybe credit towards max out of pocket.

Printed off the forms in duplicate to take to the JP for name verification. Your name is different on the death certificate (includes middle name) than on the land certificate (uses middle initial).  For fuck’s sake!

Printed off forms in triplicate to be notarized that are to remove your verified name from the land  title after collecting photos of your passport, my passport,  every beneficiary I.D. and last but not least a zero balance tax bill. Dear David, did you ever notice that it doesn’t say a zero balance on our tax bill? Every year you came home and told me that our land tax was somehow still on the registers under Consejo Shores. That might prove to be a problem.

I wrote an email to the kids asking if they will waive their inheritance. They are considered your beneficiaries under Belize law. It doesn’t include the land that was titled jointly but extends to all property titled in your name. If they inherit it will not be duty free. That’s a little nightmare to consider. We’ll see how they respond. The attorney assured me this in no way affects future inheritance when I die. I’ll have to figure a way to minimize the impact of duty on their future inheritance if they will agree to a waiver now. I think I could just pack up all my toys and go home. I think.

I returned from town and fell into what felt like a drugged sleep. Woke up to cloudy skies and a hint of rain in the air. Tomorrow…more paperwork.